I declare, now I've heard everything! If a proposed law passes in Montreal, all dogs in that Canadian city will need to understand both English and French! Im not even kidding! Guess we can cross Montreal off our list of possible places to retire. 

Seriously, this fella, Benoit LaDouce (Montreal city councilor), came up with the nutty idea and told CBC Radio that "it's necessary to counter the "chaos" resulting from dogs at public parks who understand commands in only one language. The current situation in Montreal Dog Park is untenable chaos," he told CBC Radio. "The various dog commands are incomprehensible to each other." I have to laugh here; the man obviously has never had a pup. Most of the time they totally ignore you, no matter what language you speak, unless you are holding a ball or a cookie.

LaDouce was dead serious in an inadvertently hilarious interview with the station and said he was inspired to propose the law after a dog began licking his face and did not respond to French commands. "Our alienation from each other was absolute," This guy should be on SNL!

LaDouce wants all dogs in the city to learn at least 80 to 90 commands in both languages, calling the task "basic stuff." He said each canine should be subjected to a test by a city employee to confirm the animal's bilingual comprehension.

I see all sorts of problems with this law. What about dog owners who are not bilingual? HELLO! Are they at risk of having their pups taken away by some city government agency? Heck, I can barely order a salad and a small fork in French, much less teach a pooch 80-90 commands!

LaDouce  said "I'm working on it day and night," so Im guessing he has no life away from his job with the city, which certainly explains a lot.

While discussing this with my cousin, Nicolas, I found out he had a dog, Vicky, when he lived in Paris that knew French and Russian, then learned Spanish in Chile from their maid and English when they moved to NY! Needless to say, Vicky was an extraordinarily bright pup.

A week or so ago I saw something equally crazy on TV, a lady teaching a big Schnauzer to drive a stick shift car. He was doing a fine job of it, too! Wouldn't that be something to have a multilingual dog to drive you around? You could dress him up and put a little chauffeur cap on him.  Just imagine stopping at a red light, a car pulls up beside you, the driver's side window rolls down and the pup driving the car says "passez le Poupon s'il vous plaît".