Sometimes I wish I could get a 20 second time delay put on my mouth. How great would that be! It would certainly make my life easier and some of my friends and family happier in the bargain. Unfortunately, I come from a long line of Southern women who had a lot to say and didnt necessarily feel the need to hold back. So, however lame, you could say Im predisposed to spouting off. Obviously I did my job of passing it along to the next generation, too.
Every January a dear friend and I choose a word for the new year. This word, any word we choose, has the potential to completely change our lives by just being cognizant of the word and its implications. Yes, words are that powerful! For the past 2 years I have chosen the same word, "pause". I felt like I needed to choose it again for 2011 because I apparently wasn't very successful with it in 2010. Besides "pause" is good word for all of us to consider and worthy of a do-over, don't you think?
First, let me just say I never mean to hurt anyone's feelings and thankfully my good friends and family members know this and love me anyway but occasionally I will say something that is..... well... really and truly better left unsaid.
The other day for instance, Gary and I were walking the pups in the neighborhood and I really wanted to walk thru the model home of a new builder. Here in our small cloistered neighborhood, we have all been a tad concerned, especially after viewing this particular builder's website. He is out of Las Vegas not to mention the fact that Gary actually worked for this builder while he lived in Vegas a hundred years ago and didn't have one nice thing to say about him or his building practises.
So, while Gary was talking with some neighbors outside I went inside the house. The salesman introduced himself and gave me "the tour", asking me detailed questions along the way; what I thought of this and that. I could tell by his accent that he wasn't from Texas and he revealed he is from New Jersey. He asked why and what that had to do with the house and I told him that every one's taste is different and left it at that. While some of the builder's touches I like very much, the decor (in my opinion) is absolutely hideous. The New Jersey influence perhaps? I've seen that New Jersey housewives show and their style really puts the eeeek in chic. But I made several positive comments; I love the kitchen woven tile backsplash, (except for the tacky blue and brown metallic tile insert. WHO thought THAT was a good choice???) and the unusual color of the granite in the kitchen is lovely. But, I really should have just smiled and bobbed my head up and down, lips sealed, keeping my opinions to myself.
As we walked into the master bedroom I visibly recoiled at the sight of these white trim- framed areas on either side of the bed. The room is painted a ghastly "baby boy blue" on top of that!!! Inside each of these little white trim-framed areas are gold mirror collage things! He repeatedly asked my opinion on these touches. I hemmed and hawed in true Southern fashion and finally said "Its like Pottery Barn meets 1980's fancy nursing home." Not a good combination, unless you happen to be schizophrenic. Well, he asked. Then he told me his wife was the decorator. I told him I was sorry (that his wife was the decorator, but I left that part off).
I really tried to get out of the conversation gracefully and had Gary been with me I could have avoided it altogether because Gary would have been yakking about Vegas and his experience working with the man's boss. But left alone with my mouth can put me in dangerous territory.
Yes, "Pause" is a good word to practise. When I was working in the court system I was reprimanded on a fairly regular basis for my smart mouth. Did that stop me? No! I was even threatened several times with being "held in contempt" by a couple of different judges but for some reason I remained undaunted, and unjailed for that matter. I swear, its like my mouth has a mind of its own! I probably figured they wouldn't want me to stay overnight, what with me having such a big mouth and all. Plus, its too much paperwork for the lazy, gum smacking, nail filing, romance novel reading court clerks!
There was this one judge in particular I didn't like (and probably vice versa). He occasionally would take all the lawyers into his chamber where they would decide on a resolution, while the rest of us who were actually involved with the case waited patiently in the courtroom. An hour could pass while they were back there with their feet up, smoking cigars, drinking hooch and telling off color jokes (I'm just guessing on that part though). When court reconvened I told him I resented my time being wasted on a case if a decision was being made regardless of any information I had. He got pretty testy with me and the "contempt" threat was tossed out while beating his little hammer, all the while telling me he was serious. Pausing might have served me well then, too but perhaps not. Judges need to know these things and someone has to tell them, why not me?
Another time, after a particularly inane line of questioning in a child custody case I asked the attorney if he went to law school on the Affirmative Action plan. Bless his heart, I dont think he even understood what I was saying. It was very difficult seeing people in positions of authority who couldn't even speak proper English! But again, its not my place to point these things out, darnit.
I'm trying to do better and be better but sometimes my mouth runs amok. What is that saying, oh, "Its better to ask forgiveness than permission". That's pretty good only I find myself asking for forgiveness an awful lot and for permission, very rarely. So, until they come out with a mouth governor I'll try to remember to pause......
Hopping Around On One Foot........
Monday, March 14, 2011
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